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The other day, J. told me that he overheard someone at a family reunion last summer say that it was good that I did not come.  

It hadn’t been easy to let M. and J. go off by themselves and the departure had been rather tearful, but the flights were expensive and so the girls and I spent the summer riding bikes up and down the Rhine while M. and J. flew off to the States.

The memory of that strange remark must have been on J.’s mind for a while, gnawing at him and now that  summer has arrived and we are all going back to Michigan together, he felt he had to share it with me. 

Maybe it was out of a sense of loyalty, but maybe it was also out of a sense of grief.  Something had been lost that he could not replace, something had been taken from him and he was sad about that.

I consoled him and told him that he was not alone, Z. had gone through a similar experience. 

I also told him that every time something gets taken, you also gain something.  

I am not sure whether he treasures insight as much as trust, however.