Just so

All my life I have tried to fit in.  I have tried to figure out my parents so that I would not get into trouble while also not having to move along with every one of their whims and moods. 

I found friends along the way and – while often feeling more at ease around them – I have had to learn that friendship too is an ever-changing map.  

Over time I have come to call some of my friends my family and quite a few of my happiest moments have been with that hand picked family, when I am carefree.  When I don’t have to fit in, I simply do.  

Eventually I decided to start my own family with one of these friends, a family where once again I hoped that I could simply be without having to try too hard.  I think it is working out.   

But there are moments, when I am my very best company.  Just in the here and now.  Sitting at the table by my window, as the yellow light turns a soft orange while playing between the petals of the roses which I placed on the table earlier.  

Just so.