You probably know someone like this...

Someone who feels eternally misunderstood and unappreciated and who is quick to point fingers. Someone who cannot take feedback because s/he already feels beaten down by the world. But also someone who feels criticized when they are not, and lashes out with the conviction of the unjustly treated...the victim. Ah, what a superb position of power.

Have you ever tried to stop someone like that?
Have you tried to come to their rescue by explaining the world and setting right what was wrong, maybe even by profusely apologizing for an unintended perceived transgression? Has it worked? Has that person taken off their tainted glasses and said, “Oh, now I see clearly. I was wrong. Thank you.”? Really, be honest, has it worked for longer than the duration of one tense luncheon?

Have you wondered?
Have you asked yourself all these questions starting with “why,” like “Why does s/he always....” and “Why can’t s/he....”? If you have you might as well stop right there because there is no answer other than: “Because s/he wants to.”

For someone suffering from low self-esteem, the role of the martyr/victim is one of self-redemption. Assuming that role, proclaiming to be the target of unfair attacks and ill-intended actions, opens the door to retributions against an unfair world, and then accusing, judging and condemning it. It’s their last stronghold. Give it up? Never!

I have seen people go berserk with vitriolic diatribes against alleged aggressors. There was no stopping them. It was their moment to shine...the darker the world around them the brighter their bolts of lightning appeared.

What’s left?
The effect of this kind of negative self-indulgence on the surroundings, especially immediate family, can be devastating. Relationships are strained and may eventually crumble under the stress. It is sad and can be extremely frustrating, especially for close relatives. I have been a witness to this kind of dynamic for many years. I can assure you the force of destruction is formidable.

So what now?
Leave the theatre. Don’t be an audience to a bad performance. And it’s always a bad performance when someone assumes a self-righteous position and points fingers in every direction proclaiming themselves the one and only victim again and again.

Leave the theatre. It’s a colossal waste of time and energy. And let’s hope you didn’t have to pay for your front row seats.