Wishing you all well....

At some point during the last days of every year, I usually get a bit heavy hearted. My grandma used to tease me by saying that nothing is worse than a row of good days. With Christmas having been just absolute bliss this year, I think I am quite probably suffering from the Post Christmas Blues. Oh, well, it could be worse. After all, there is something to look forward to as well. Hurray Happy New Year !!!

Merry, uh happy, Christ...Seasons...Greetings!

When you live part of your life abroad or, as in our case, you have done a fair amount of moving around your entire life, culture, norms, and rules become somewhat relative. At the same time, you come to realize that you will probably never become fully part of one culture. Although you may have put in a good effort, remembering all the national holidays, national pass times, types of jokes and favorite foods and even if you have read up on history, watched enough Soaps and explored every corner of the country there is, there will always be something you didn’t know yet. But then, in the meantime the challenge is to make it through the first five minutes of small talk by getting amazingly good at remembering enormous amounts of trivia like what goes into a Chirstmas Pudding, what do Americans watch on Christmas Day? I can’t remember either.

Red-nosed

London is ablaze with lights and glitz, and a jolly good time we had! To all of you a very happy holiday!

Smiles....

"Thank you for being a thinking person! M."

Blame me...

Supposedly when relationships are grinding to a halt it is good to take a step back and survey the tangled mess from a safe distance. Negative patterns, recurring triggers and defense mechanisms might become more discernible that way. Supposedly, this makes it easier to find solutions that help break patterns and establish early warning systems so painful gridlocks can be prevented. But what if one side thrives on negativity? What if they feel bereft of their regular doses of adrenalin once the old patterns are under revision and the ready flow of bale dwindles? There are enough people, who love strife and the platform for vitriolic diatribe it provides for their ego and let me tell you, they won’t thank you for your thoughtful recalibration....

Quench your tears....

...’cause you gonna run dry at some point, dear Americans. Newton, Connecticut is another sad event in the American history of violence, but it was predictable and predictably there will more of that as long as we let our boys grow up in environments that lead to reduced impulse inhibition (see the many studies on the effects of computer gaming for instance) and...did you guess it already...GUNS!! Really, it’s pretty simple - no need to talk about the multiple causes, aggravated circumstances, and aspects of what just happened AGAIN. Also, no need to talk about how target shooting is a fine sport! Wake up guys - and gals. This is embarrassing!!!

LifeCycles

Life appears to be cyclical when we surpass the idea of finality by way of spirituality or when we allow ourselves to see it as natural phenomenon common to all life. As such, it is a constant force of maturation and rejuvenation. As humans, we can consciously experience these phases as we pass through them. This is a unique gift, an ability not shared by any other species on Earth. It brings with it the potential for love through empathy, but at the same time it also carries the seed for hatred and strife, when we succumb to our fear of finality - death. Humanity is alone in its knowledge of death and as long as we fear it, this can be a great loneliness indeed. However, when we surmount that fear and instead choose to share this collective experience, we learn to embrace life as a constant stream, a coming and going of all that is. One could say that by consciously experiencing the flow of life, one holds the key to embracing all life that is, indeed it may be the beginning of true life.

Thursday Thought

For the moment I am the one I am And I shall be here for a while.

for now

i have sought lodgings in my soul

since i let my mind speak open volumes

invited sincerity but harvested all

but twisted tongues and sullen silence

moving out to seek the likeminded

i found but figments of the golden rule and

saw that bent scales have made

good fortunes on the backs of the unfortunate

so time again has come to teach me better

thus to abandon my lighthearted endeavour

and reckon with the turbid waters that

lick the edges of my sanctuary

Sad but True

The best investment into her future, a woman can make, is chosing her partner wisely. Is he a fair player, does he have emotional intelligence, is he hard working and able, is he loyal and committed, does he have his hormones under control? Unless she can tick all the boxes, she may as well write off having children and raising them in a healthy environment, she may have to forget about having children at all or else face financial hard ship and old age poverty. This is a human reality still in the 21st century. You know it because are living it, my friends!

A Man's Job

It looks like it would be a real man’s job to turn this ship around after it has been on this quirky lop sided haul for too long already. It would take a lot of time and energy (never mind the money) to make a difference in the way our children grow up today controlled by a mult-million electronic industry. It would take determination and guts to address absentee fathers and those who fall behind on their responsibilities. And most definitely it would take real balls to suggest hormonal castration as a means to curb sexual crimes. Only the most steadfast and clairvoyant would indeed be able to put forth what is so desperately needed: women oversight in all sectors and venues of life whether in government, industry, or agency, whether in spiritual matters or worldly justice whether in local, national or international organisation and for them to have a clear mandate to curb male abuse on all levels. In fact, it probably will take women to do the job.

Put the money where it's earned...

Where we go sorely wrong as a civilization is by allowing a gambling mentality to be rewarded by overpaying CEOs, computer geeks and financial wizards while neglecting to value - and frankly pay - those who do the most meaningful job: helping children by nurturing and educating them so they will turn out to be productive, caring and creative members of our glorious 21st century societies!!

Scared?

Women's Manifesto:

We admit that our situation in today’s world continues to be tenuous given that we are less willing or able to pursue an objective by threatening death and destruction. We realise that most men will agree that this is a good quality. We therefore will coordinate our efforts world wide to reach all levels of society, whether as Femmes Democrates or Feministas, to speak up against male rule, brutality, bias, double standards, exploitation, social injustice and environmental degradation. By joining efforts we will prevail over the aggressive male. For that we will open our ranks to men as listeners and contributors but we will not fall in the trap of seeking their approval by all means. We will be impervious to derision and slander. Men have erred for hundred of thousands of years, why should we get it all right from the onset. Easy and steady. It is safe to say that we cannot do worse than them.

Back to the Books guys!!

Whenever I hear about this reheated nonsense from the Republican anti-choice section (including the presidential running mate, Ryan) about ‘illegal’ versus what?...legal rape?.... ‘God wanted pregnancies by means of rape’ as well as claims about a woman’s ability to ‘shut that whole thing down’ (what exactly do you mean by that, Toddy??) to prevent impregnation in the event of a sexual assault, I am - to say the least - confused. Why are the befuddled thoughts of these old farts (the quotes stem from speeches by Ryan, Mourdock and Akin respectively) given any consideration other than as a proof of their insanity? In fact, why are these men in the limelight at all? And, frankly, how could it possibly be that they are running for office? What a sad nation that not only continues to listen to this low caliber Republican babble!! Or, differently put, why isn’t there a much more needed debate going on about extending welfare for single parent (mostly female) headed households, maternity leave, child support as well as quality child care, while at the same time improving the prosecution of sexual offenders, enforcing tougher sentences and introducing hormonal sterilization as a measure to better protect society from hormonally challenged aggressive males? Why are they and, sadly, even we more up-to-date Old Worlders paying more attention to this pathetic male ramble than proposing palatable solutions to the underlying issue of trying to reduce abortion rates by improving the lives of mothers? Someone needs to do their homework!!

I dare you!

When I was still into anthropology years ago, I used to read about the principle of “culture vs. nature” and wondered, how one could possibly separate the two. Since then, I have looked more into evolutionary psychology, human evolution and even dabbled in neurology and determined that all human cultures are manifestations of one and the same thing: human nature. The nuances and even the seemingly striking differences between cultures barely cover the overarching similarities. Just have another peek yourself. What you see, if you dare look, may not be pretty though!

I Stand Corrected!!

So last night after posting my scathing remarks about the screen writers’ plight, Matt took me to watch a film to prove me wrong. He succeeded and that does not happen often. But watching “Ruby Sparks” was not only entertaining it was truly beautiful. Zoe Kazan, screen writer, producer and lead role, amazingly spun a clever plot of surreal events around the main character, the celebrated up and coming literary genius Calvin W. There is not a moment when one doesn’t beg to know why the impossible should not be possible. After all, the story is told with such aplomb that it keeps the audience spellbound, hoping that the enchantment will never fade. And it doesn’t - Zoe keeps her promise of a great story!!! Well done!

Let me Bore you!

The trickiest thing in writing is to develop the plot without anyone guessing what’s up next while at the same time keeping the audience engaged and willing to believe that the turn of events is likely or at least possible. I never liked the “suspense of believe” element in stories whether in writing or on screen. At the end of every movie I habitually scroll back in my mind to the opening scenes to see whether the characters’ initial actions are believable with what we know about them and their circumstances in hindsight. Only few films pass the test and I wonder how the writers get away with it. But then, we all like to just let ourselves move along with a story, we want to trust the writers’ genius to entertain us and take us into a parallel reality. Yet, I can’t help wondering whether it is it me getting older or whether movie plots really are getting dumber?

Bucket please!!

There is this guy, Kucklick is his name, who recently had the great idea (or maybe he was just out of ideas) to turn our human experience on its head and make it the topic of his doctorate. In a long winded, tiresome and utterly pointless babble he put forth the thesis that much of what ails our modern civilisation can be explained by a wave of male-bashing that set in sometime during the early nineteenth century. He quotes a number of philosophers who at the time (and for the first time ever in human history) ventured to say that men have a latent tendency towards violent and asocial behaviour. How that could either turn into a doctorate or be published by a reputable publisher in Germany is puzzling indeed. But then, it's not easy to work in publishing these days. Lowering one's standards is one way of staying afloat, I suppose.

Seven years of Jules

"Wow, I can't believe it, seven years of Jules," Zoe blurts out as her brother takes a deep breath to blow out the candles on his giant No 7 b'day cake. She means it. "Yeah, thanks for being there, guys," Jules graciously replies. And he means it too.

Families to the Front

It is interesting to see how the gap between our expectations of what childhood should be like and what childhood actually looks like is widening once again. In the 19th century governments across industrial nations were persuaded by their voters to provide affordable education for all children regardless of their socio-economic background. It was found that education was a public good that would benefit not just the individual but also society as a whole. Since then, tax payers have been asked to contribute to state funded education to create the first co-educational compulsory state education system ever. In the wake of that development new attention was given to teaching methods and child development. Alternative approaches were formulated namely by Maria Montessori and Rudolf Steiner, to emphasize the importance of the formative years on the later development. So-called reform schools shot up especially around industrial areas and in less privileged neighborhoods. Enabling all children to achieve their full potential was deemed worthy of public support. However, today, we once again live in societies were a child’s lot in life depends on that of her or his parents’ pocketbook. As families have to fork over a good chunk of their income and savings to ensure their child receives quality education and care, children with less affluent backgrounds are left behind. Their education will derive mostly from a jumble of mass media, pop culture and the internet. Even though one educational report chases the next stating that children spend too much time in front of screens and not enough time on challenging subjects, engaging hobbies and sports, we now look mostly towards parents to provide them. And those who can manage, will do their best to oblige. They shuttle their offspring across suburban landscapes, they coach afternoon sports, arrange for trips to the museum and supervise homework. They get involved in parent teacher networks, they organize school fundraisers and they lobby for healthy school meals. After all, we do know what’s good for children. Why then have we stopped caring for them? All of them.

This Reminds Me...

The eye catches only a fraction of what is going on around us. We blink, we zoom in, we zone out and during all this time stuff is happening all around us. Our other senses try to fill in some of the gaps, our ears might take note of a car approaching although we haven’t spotted it yet. Our sense of smell might tell us that our neighbor is enjoying another night of barbecue while all we have in front of us is a slice of cold pizza. But more intriguingly, behind the world of senses, there is yet another information processor at work who diligently fills in the gaps. However, that one uses information based on our memory of past experiences. Unfortunately, that data base tends to be flawed, because memories are notoriously inaccurate. However, that does not discourage our left brain from actively producing scenarios that are as close to what might have happened as possible. Because, most of all, it likes a good story. The scary part is that everyone likes a good story and so we all amble through life with a rather sketchy concept of reality. Although designed to help us avoid repeat mistakes, this over zealous story teller can actually get us into trouble by alerting us when there is no reason for concern. It might tell us, for example, that our neighbor “always” barbecues on Sundays without “any” concern for others. Instead of completing the picture, our story telling brain is adding to it. It digs into our deep coffers of trauma and pain in trying to link the current experience to one of the past even if the match is not even close. While throughout evolution this principle must have kept us out of harms way, nowadays with our tightly knitted relations we tend to be overwhelmed with messages. Putting a lid on the chatter box may at times be a good idea.

Life Camp

In many ways it seems that we are doing well. The house, the career, the kids, health and a pension plan. At times I can spot envy when the relatives are over. Friends, however, know better because they listen and they are smart enough to know that in the end we are all in the same boat, barely scraping over the rocks that lie beneath the surface. Our lives, like those of most families in today’s world, are stretched thin. With long hours spent at work and in traffic and weekends cut short by work commitments, it’s like ships passing in the night. All along, we are led to believe that eventually it is all going to get easier. Our baby boomer parents believed that and those who cashed in on their savings in time probably will keep telling us that. What they conveniently overlook is that since then, salaries have stagnated for the large majority of us and across many sectors they have gone down, while those that find work in today’s struggling economies have no leverage left to negotiate. They work longer hours in exchange for less job security and fewer benefits than ever. Yet, afraid that things could get even worse, we keep plodding on. We throw our lives back on the Interstate every morning and stop by Best Buy on the way home. After all, we are told that consumer spending needs to go up in order to secure jobs...right? Nonsense. Consumer spending needs to stay up to keep us in bondage and the dividends flowing. It is what has turned life into one big work camp where day after day, empty spaces are filled by the anonymous new face. At least with blogspot, twitter and facebook we can wine about it when we find a moment. See, I already feel better. Let’s get on with it then, shall we?

Round Table

I often write from a feeling of unease. I throw my frustration onto the keyboard and see it form words on the monitor which I then hurl into cyberspace. There. I have said it! At times, I wonder whether there is another way that I could say it? There is the language of symbols and analogies, archetypical scenes wrapped into fiction. But somehow I lose myself in the woods whenever I venture that way. Then there is art, music, movement, but that never gripped me. There are those who temper with philosophy or theology, but I prefer a more earthy approach. Dialogue over teaching or preaching. The question is, whether we can get everyone to the table.

Stretching

One thing which you will have to get good at fast, when you become a parent, is stretching! But while the physical side of stretching can be really helpful in order to strap on infant carriers onto your front or back and fastening those ever evasive car seat buckles, the most useful ingredient to peaceful parenting is mental stretching. Because you may suddenly find yourself doing things that weren't part of your "100 Things to do before you Die" like wearing nipple cups and monitoring bowel movements. Not to mention all the waiting. Waiting for the babe to wake, waiting for the milk to warm, waiting for the babe to sleep, waiting for the help to come, waiting for the rain to stop, waiting for the kid to grow waiting for your life to start. And all the time, you will tell yourself that all of this is really good, because you know eventually it will all be over and what then? For that there is Yoga.

an organized life

Is it that we are stuck in some kind of obsessive compulsive overdrive? Like a battery powered teeth clattering bunny, we frantically run increasingly tight circles, faster and faster as if trying to outrun the battery. Our lives resemble a big carnival with us in the midst staggering from one dizzying adrenaline hype to another. More, bigger, better, faster...as if there was no tomorrow. And maybe that is indeed what we are secretly afraid of. It's the ever greater accomplishments, victories, successes, experiences, stories to tell, that count. Life has turned into a monitored experience.

What's Your Wallpaper

After one year of Blackberry hell, I give up. The damn thing is asking me for a long list of bogus entries such as nicknames and birthdays when all I want to do is to add a name and phone number to my contact list. More curious even, the last time I tried to add a contact, it wouldn’t even do that! When I click on options, now it wants to know whether I want to change my wallpaper. How am I supposed to understand the “smart” in smartphone, I wonder...? Since then, I have had several very patient friends try to figure out why my Blackberry has gone bunkers and whether there is still hope and although their diagnosis was as dire as mine, they didn’t know what made it take a turn to the worse. But then, the thing was never all together well. The more relevant question is: Are we?

Caught in the Fog

Political convictions usually run deep. In fact, I remember a US study a few years ago that claimed to have found the “Republican gene” - something like the one distinguishing genetic code that at some point in the life of a particular person will switch on an array of convoluted thought - I like to call it “the fog” - which includes denying women access to abortion while handing out guns to young angry men. Whether this kind of thinking is indeed genetic or not, however, matters less than the fact that in a country where people habitually confuse Fox News with news reporting and where outrageous opinions are sold as facts, this sort of convoluted thinking is wrapped in pro-life propaganda with broad mass appeal. It makes US politics that much more trite and boring and I have to admit that I am glad to be mailing in my absentee vote again this time.

Who needs it?

With high youth unemployment across most of Europe and the US, college career advisers must feel just a bit stupid when adjusting margins and adding a few semi-colons to their seniors’ curricula. After all, their advice will be as good as any other, as even graduates with impressive grade point averages and a list of extra curricular activities may find themselves begging for one unpaid internship after another to keep at least their CVs cheery while disappointingly remaining on the parental payroll....Good luck! Study the right thing, study biotechnology, was Fred’s advice recently. True, in the day and age where life-prolonging drugs and machines continue to make millions because our fear of death has been turned into a winning ticket for the medical, pharmaceutical and insurance industries, this may indeed be a good idea. Who cares whether we truly need the stuff, believe in its social benefit, or are interested in contributing to its development! It used to be information technology, now it’s bio tech, next maybe robotics, anything really that gets us away from the humanities. After all, who wants to ponder human output in the arts and literature, who wants to speculate on ethics when one can outsource this to a clean user surface who feeds us only as much as we can stomach. Life, after all, would be so much easier, if it weren’t for us messy humans...

Famdamily

After yet another round of frothing and snorting, a number of heartfeld stomps topped off by a good amount of kicking the dirt, I cannot help but laugh. Family is a wild beast.

An Inconvenient Mind

There is no doubt that women have been reduced to minor players given the disproportionately larger role they play in reproduction. The time and energy spent on gestation, birth and nursing, in addition to the protective instincts that bind a woman to her offspring, are clear obstacles to a woman’s ability to partake in the bigger picture. The more harrowing obstacle to women, however, continue to be men. Throughout evolution, the male has sought access to reproductive opportunities by dominance. Humans make no exception. Controlling women’s reproductive potential has been crucial to men’s hunger for dominance whether in peace or in war, through force or flirtation. Keeping women busy with reproductive efforts not only safeguards the survival of species, clans, cultures, or religions, it also keeps women from challenging men. After all, men already have their hands full fighting each other over resources from money, power, influence to lofty CEO positions and client accounts. Having had three children of my own was probably the most risky undertaking of my life. While I am grateful for the experience it put me in a position where members of my family - all male with their wives in tow - have behaved as if I was their mommy as well. To this day they whine and complain, they demand and expect and they throw tantrums if I object to their infantile attempts to dominate the scene when, really, I am busy with other things now. Fred once said that “everyone is afraid” of me. Afraid of what? That I might say no...?

Wouldn't you agree...?

Whether in business, education, government care and compassion are needed not dominance. It is not the domination of markets or the posession of nuclear arsenals that is going to ensure the survival of our civilisation. It is not competition for ever higher degrees that is going to produce the much needed cooperation between the members of the next generation, and it is not the might of the stronger that is going to produce a world dignified to be called human civilisation.

This is great, y'all...

It is unpleasant to be branded a victim. It instills in us the uneasiness of loserdom and with that the chance of being rejected, which for many millenia of human evolution has been tantamount to death. It therefore comes as no surprise that we have become rather cunning at deluding ourselves. Denial has become a powerful weapon to fend off unpleasant thoughts.

Anger Management

When faced with cruelty, I don’t weep, I get angry. I rage and I stomp. I lash out and I roar. But in the end, sadness and anger are both siblings of the same underlying emotion. That emotion is fear. Generally speaking, we are afraid whenever we feel that we are not in control of our lives. We react by airing an array of secondary emotions including anger, sadness, disgust, and hatred. Whenever I review my WOMAZZLE posts I can see sparks of fiery fury fly and this is the reason why: As a woman I often feel completely out of control because I know that if I am thought to haved stepped out of the lines of “acceptable bahaviour” there might be some testosterone drunk monkey who can, and may, pounce on me. Just as I am writing this, thousands of women around the world are being raped, beaten, and killed. I know this to be true - and so do you. Try to manage THAT anger...

What's that thing in my eye....?

I do like Michael Moore for not mincing his words. There is a fearless passion in him that is inspiring. He cuts through many layers of taboo and points fingers in directions that are usually safeguarded from attacks.

But, alas, even our great hero of thundering words becomes meek and tongue-tied when he has to address half of humanity. In his reaction to the Aurora shooting, he turns against gun-ownership and the American psyche but he forgot, that ALL mass murders and most murders are committed by MEN. Yes, indeed, it is hard to be caught with a bunch of losers!

Brilliant PR

To the old question of whether money can buy happiness, some handsomely wealthy Scotsman was heard to have answered: "Sure, if you give it away!" Ah, yes, keep it coming...I'll make you smile!

Fearless Friends

Whenever I proffer my sophisticated insights into gender relations, the conversation shifts discreetly. However, I am not easily deterred and I am known to be quite adamant when matters of fairness are concerned. Needless to say, I count some of the hardiest and most amazing women and a couple of more enlightened men among my friends. Those who are not scared to look at the dark side of life.

What a Marvellous Life!

“Once again I woke up to my beloved husband’s deceptively cheerful ring tones. It was four o’ clock on a rainy English monday morning, a new day in the rhythym of all important global markets, around-the-clock bargaining, and sheer endless mobility and opportunity. While the bread-winner of the family perkily popped out of bed and slipped into his bathrobe, I embarked on a real adventure: with endorphine levels at their lowest, I decided to contemplate life!! Maybe I’ll put it in a book one day!”

Click

Men have come up with formidable tools to disengage from family life. Ever new generations of electronic gadgets now rival with weekend sport broadcasts. The fully stocked DIY shelves have been superseded by online gaming. If it is not one it will be another mind numbing activity, while children crowd around the kitchen until they, as well, are conveniently hooked to one screen or another. TV has shown us, it works. Now there are quiet children everywhere, bent over tiny monitors on trains, busses and in restaurants, they shoot and tap away in a parrallel universe at bus stops, during break time and at grandma’s. Life is good.

Midsummer Blues

The days and months seem to have drifted past us like puffs of dandelion seed. We have had the house full of visitors most of the time, with children tumbling out of every crack, spilling into the garden where I valiantly stood, day and night, ready to defend my thirteen carefully groomed English rose bushes from all critters tall and tiny. Various stacks of books have stubbornly grown around the house like crooked stalactites, some of them with little hearts and smileys drawn into the quite discernible cover of dust that has settled on them as if to sullenly reclaim them from their owner, who so clearly is otherwise engaged. It won’t be long now though. Surely between the piles of linnens to be laundered, and dutifully folded, and the creepy little weeds to be hoed, I might find some time. With summer here and the days clinging on into the night, I might pick one up. Some time.

There and Back

I have been to one of the most fascinating places in the world and back: t he perfectly mind-boggling Turkish Aegean coast. From sunken Assuryan ships carrying bronze ignots to forge the weapons of the next battle, which we were subsequently to learn about, to Greek theatres strewn about the countryside, this is most certainly a treasure chest of human civilisation and the most rewarding find in many years. And one of the best things about it, unlike Greece which made a mess out of its hillsides and coastlines handing them over to land speculators and private investors, this bit of Turkey is completely unspoiled. It is just there and I shall be back soon!!

MayDay

As the rain and wind whipped Good Old Blighty for a full fortnight, we all curled up and took to our books and games - all real none virtual. I can’t, and most likely never will, get used to the idea of cuddling up to a glowing plastic box which surreptitiously emits all sorts of waves, sound, infrared, electromagnetic, whatever. It just doesn’t to it for me. As for games - I still like to play them by moving actual pieces across a board or by picking up a hand of cards that have seen many merry rounds. Call me odd, but I like to play games with people who are actually in the room with me, joking, cajoling and yacking. I like to watch their concentration as they strategise, and I enjoy to wink at them as they hesitantly make their next move. I appreciate them patting my shoulder and giving me a solid hug as, once again, I go under and lose miserably and I do not mind shaking hands with winners. Sharing the joy and showing compassion are great ways to bond.

Kudos to a well-known misogynist Wenn die Frauenzimmer nur wüssten was sie könnten wenn sie wollten. (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

Look at that Kid!!

One of the greatest things is seeing a person develop from child to adolescent and adult.
Nothing to me is more awe inspiring than seeing the spirit, that unique essence that manifests itself throughout these early years of life. Philosophers have tried to capture it in concepts, religions attribute it to a devine force, psychologist have developed typologies, and spiritualist describe it as reincarnation. The funny thing is that dogs have it too.

Smallprint

You can't get out of life alive.
(Les Brown)

Too Close for Comfort

All the talk about detachment, bounderies, letting go, lowering expectations...it’s easier said than done.

And for those of us who are not akin to yoga, meditation or vows of silence, a long weekend with the family and even with friends can be a real trial. It’s good when it works out, but it’s also good when it’s over.

The truth is we do seem to get together because we deliberately seek to renew our bond with people in our lives whom we regard as important whether these are siblings, parents, friends, significant others or our children. And without really realizing it, we go into these reunions with a clear objective in mind:

We want it to work.

And that’s where the problem begins. Because as soon as we want something, there is also the fear that we might not get it and with fear there is coping.

We may not realize it, but most of our relationships put us into a coping mode. We either try to be especially fun, helpful, reserved, pleasant, accomodating, organized or flexible to make them work. And by doing so, we become tense and we convey that tenseness, because we are acting out of fear.

Consequently, these kinds of get togethers can be quite irritating as everyone is on their ‘best behavior’ and has their radar tuned in to detect any disturbances in the air, instead of approaching the situation with an open mind.

If we could stop wanting closeness, we probably would have more of it.

April Fool

Jules was looking forward with great anticipation to April Fools Day as he had been put on a fib ban for the past three weeks after he was caught with the neighbour’s kids in illicit activities and lying about it.

As the day approached he became more and more excited because, alas, finally the time was come to break the ban and lie from dawn to dark.

However, that day came and went and nothing happened that was worth lying about.
Guess he’ll have to wait another year now...

T'was Brillig...

When you grow up hearing two or more languages in your home, they tend to form in your ears like different melodies. Certain sounds belong to certain languages and certain sound combinations are probable in one but not so much in the other.

As a result, you might become quite skilled at making up your own words by combining likely sounds and creating an onomatopoetic match with what they are supposed to express.

We often have a good laugh, when Jules, who is particularly prolific with word creations, weaves his poetic nonesense into a tale of what happened at school.

It's hilarious and we never fail to follow him when he tells us that “a bunky kid at school shliddled him over the head with his lunch thingy ding dong.”

Spring Dallying

On my walks through the garden I speak to every plant, every little bud that pushes forward with such excruciating effort and ever flower that greets me on my way. At the moment every day there are newcomers among them. Tulips, daphodils, and Eurythimums have made a bold reappearance. Others are more tentative. Of the shrubs, all have done very well since last year, only my poor purple Hebe has suffered in the cold and so I will have to come up with a eulogy this weekend when I will dig up the droopy remains. The roses, all thirteen of them, are doing well. Red petals are developing which I will shower with a mild tonic on Saturday. After choosing each and every one of them and finding the right spot for it I feel a personal attachment and any misfortune, like that of my poor Hebe, sours my otherwise blissful stroll. But every new day brings new surprises.
Spring is a real treat...

Hope less

We can always hope for the best outcome but it would be naive to expect the best to come out in humans trying to hold on to power. Please join the effort to support the civil uprise against the Syrian regime. Do more and check out Avaaz.com !

And so it goes...

Now this is true (forget anything else I have said before...):

At 42 your brain is very actively binning info. It’s streamlining so it won’t get all blubbery over the next sixty years of your life. Understandable, if you think about it.

So as I am ploughing through another fascinating tale of British queens and kings, underlining, cross-referencing and aha-ing, I already know that soon I won’t remember the dates of the important treaty between royals and subjects that so captured my attention.

Then, soon thereafter, I will forget the exact title of the treaty. The next thing to go will be what exactly it was about and then eventually all that will remain is that some important treaties were signed a long time ago in...uh, England. And that moment will be soon.

Uh.

Now.

Digestible Realities

Apparently, the world we see through our eyes is influenced by the story our brain tells us about it. This is tantamount to the old adage that all is realtive, but now research seems to confirm that, in fact, we live in a world that is constantly being edited into a coherent format. For our own benefit, so to speak, the linguistic switch board in the left side of our brain has taken on the role of squeezing reality into a shape that is more digestible for the individual recipient. That puts a new spin on the biblical recommendation: Cast out first the beam out of thy own eye....

Twenty-four extra hours!!!

February 29th is a true gift. One extra day in a year that already has taken off in a hurry. What a treat!! Twenty-four extra hours where we can do all those things we usually miss out on...like taking the kids to the park, going for a really tall latte at Minellie's,or maybe a matinee...but then, the kids are at school, I already had three tall mugs of coffee since 6:15am this morning and, sorry no luck with the movies either, those sites are blocked. Darn that extra day!

Go home!

In most parts of England, that is outside of London or any larger city, stores close at 5pm. It used to be 6:30 pm in Germany throughout my childhood, but consequently changed as consumerism took over and working hours went haywire. What to do with all that time when there is nothing to buy?

Idiot Indicators

We're off to clean the car. The entire family joins in, because since we all participate in soiling it, it seems fair that we all get a chance to see just how much time and energy it takes to clean it again. We do this two or three times a year and luckily we only own one car. Truly, having two or more cars in your driveway makes a slave out of you. From licensing to replacing light bulbs, a car can keep you fairly busy. Why on earth are cars status symbols?

Creature Comforts

Food and entertainment to this day work wonders when keeping large crowds in line. Just look around you at what we are willing to do from ever longer working hours, excrutiating commutes and around the clock availability to the double and tripple day in exchange for a tall latte and yet another romantic commedy...

I'll Hate for your Love...

The corpse in the closet. Families are great at it. Everyone hates aunt Bertha, attaches all blame to her, instead of addressing that feeling of hatred that has become the family.

Groups in general are good at that, pointing fingers that is. It is a well-rehearsed mechanism to build cohesion and create some kind of identity.

“Odd one out” is the name of the game, and not only families have perfected it. It happens in school yards, where it is luckily nowadays identified as bullying. It occurs at work and online, where it is known as mobbing.

Religion, gender, class, and the overhauled attribute of race have led to horrible violence throughout human history. Whether under Stalin, Hitler or Hussein, whether in Yugoslawia, South Africa, China or North Korea, war is often being waged against some assumed enemy to create cohesion of the group however vaguely that group is defined.

Shockingly rarely the question is asked, “Do I want to belong to such a group?”

Hannah Arendt wrote at lenghth about the strategies of totalitarian regimes to create cohesion among a small circle of leaders. Most importantly, she describes a reward system for compliance. And sadly, she is right. Most humans are sheep at heart.

Shhhhhh!!

I remember Susan raising her eye brows by a good half inch when during our long conversations in her tree top home in Cahuita the topic of family came up. The power imbalances, the abusive patterns, the codependencies and ambivilant relationships between the members, it took me a while to see it all. Susan was a veteran when I met her and her stories haunt me to this day. But we all get older and we all have stories to share...that is unless we prefer to keep them secret.

Mind of Steel

Marriage is probably something best left to the more job-oriented folks with preferably the least amount of emotional entanglement. Especially if the job involves caring for third parties, i.e. children. For that, a cool mind and good negotiating powers are paramount. Any sentimental weakness can quickly escalate even the smallest issue. Tidying up now or later, one bedtime story or two, my turn or hers...all of these marginal confilicts could be easily resolved with less emotional baggage rumbling along on the conveyer belt of family life. In fact, I would suggest that children might want to be rotated from one marriage arrangement to another to spend only a minimum of time with their biological parents. This would ensure the output of more independant, well-adjusted, problem-solving oriented human beings, fit to get into a cab at 2 am to catch the early flight out to be at the meeting on time to maximise rewards for the family enterprise while the partner single-mindedly and undeterred gets the other half of the job done, weekly activity coordination, household accounting, food allocation, cognitive development charts and oil change. Truly, who needs love when they have marriage?

No Free Lunch!

Just like there isn’t a million dollar cheque waiting for you once you forward all your bank account details to the unknown email address in you Inbox, there are no free lunches when you go to buy three-for-one packs of neon-blinking toothbrushes, bargain dishtowels, party favors and on sale porcelain Easter bunnies. Somebody always pays the price.

F'n A

Jules: How did the people who found all the letters match them up? The little "a" looks nothing like the dumb big "A". Who came up with THAT??

Oh what fun...!

Zoë and I just spent another afternoon with dear old Salman Khan. His youtube videos just crack us up.

This time, we had him explain the periodic table to us after we were left speechless last night musing about covalent and ionic bonds.

We couldn’t help grinning about the cool ‘guy’ lingo in explaining the odd on-goings in the outer shell of transitional metals...Notice....? It’s catching on!!

Cheating my way through chemistry exams in school, I always had the nagging thought that I might be missing out on something really interesting. But why weren’t my teachers like Sal? Instead, I was diligently copying chemical formulas off my palm, marveling at the secret code.

I had chemistry off and on for three years and later on it reappeared as organic chemistry in my biology classes. It would have helped immensely if I had watched that six minute video on the periodic table in year 7. Only neither youtube nor Salman had been conceived of then.

But, hey, this is a new generation!

Have fun!

Testosterone

What a riveting and worthy subject to spend all those billions on that are currently wasted on conferences, proposals and campaigns on climate change, depleting resources, pollution, and poverty. Not to mention violence, war, torture, and genocide.

In the Distance of a Night

And here we are on the other side
minds bedazzled drunken and laden
on the morning of that last night

With speech slow and memory quiet
what we promised lingers
in the darkness of one long night

Some words may be drawn to light
but more still will be left behind
in the distance of a night