A Shadow Hanging over Them

When I was in my late teens and got wind of a dad who had bailed out to seek erotic rejuvenation on virginal shores, I used to raise my eyebrows and dryly diagnose a case of “mid-life crisis.” Not that I have any deeper insights into the torn souls of mid-forty males now that I have reached that critical age myself, where lives notoriously implode, bank accounts disappear, and paperwork is processed assiduously. In fact, I seem to be more puzzled now than in my sagacious teens whenever I hear of someone who walks out on a life they so laboriously created. Clearly, spouses, mortgages and kids can be a real mill stone around the neck, but then, who ordered the pie? How can one suddenly proclaim that it is all too much after diligently adding to it day after day, week after week and year after year? Or rather, how can one suspect for years that they are not the family type, while at the same time fathering offspring, buying second and third cars, and industrial barbecues? Is it that they just thought they wanted it all? Is it maybe that they lack the critical prefrontal cortex activity that would quickly confirm the disastrous effect monkeyish behavior usually produces...? Or is it some sort of awakening, along the lines of “I’m not the man I used to be....” I would agree with that.

Emotional Illiteracy

Needless to say, spending a lifetime with the same person requires a lot of readjustments. Finger pointing won’t get you very far, just as biting your tongue won’t. Part of the exercise will always consist of carefully taking an emotional inventory. That is by far the trickiest task, since emotions usually run alongside our daily all-important routines. They are shoved aside regularly, or else glossed over in photoshop albums and drowned in Shiraz and yet, as far as relationships are concerned, they are the most important factor to take into account when analyzing how successfully we relate to each other - especially over half a century. But they can be uncomfortable like tight shoes or traveling economy and so we tend to avoid facing them and hope that by avoiding them, by not even acknowledging their existence, they will go away. A common fallacy. Instead they fester and end up tormenting us like a rotten tooth. They foul up our lives, they impact our health and they usually mess up our relationships way before we end up on a couch. Understanding our emotional states and finding solutions to identified problems which will take into consideration the larger context is a real skill. In fact, it is part of what makes us human and yet, we mostly fail at it miserably.

Just Because

Let’s say you are a woman of great caliber and ideals let’s say you’ve got ambition and one or two degrees you may even speak some Urdu, Russian or Farsi and in your native language you publish astonishing poetry But the simple fact that you are a woman justifies the reality that no matter how much you try there most certainly will be some reason why you never reach that high Because miraculously there is always something that clearly will let you know that if you are a woman the limit will never be the sky... 

Let’s say you’ve got something that you feel passionately about maybe being a teacher, a guardian, or a nurse but yet they won’t fail to point out that you took a rather unpromising turn because there certainly is no doubt that how ever much you put in very little ends up on your account. But the simple fact that you are a woman justifies the reality that no matter how much you try there most certainly will be some reason why you never reach that high Because miraculously there is always something that clearly will let you know that if you are a woman the limit will never be the sky... 

 Let’s say you became a doctor, a lawyer, or software designing geek Let’s say it’s something clever Something men usually do seek And let’s say that you are really great at it and Work long hours week after week So you can buy a penthouse in Manhattan, two sailboats, and villa in the south of Crete But the simple fact that you are a woman justifies the reality that no matter how much you try there most certainly will be some reason why you never reach that high Because miraculously there is always something that clearly will let you know that if you are a woman the limit will never be the sky...

Whether you manage your kids with nannies, an extended family or two Whether you have opted out of the double day as some clever ones will think is good to do Whether you put off your career because you have it all thought through Or whether you are the income earner The one off to London or Peru The simple fact that you are a woman justifies the reality that no matter how much you try there most certainly will be some reason why you never reach that high Because miraculously there is always something that clearly will let you know that if you are a woman the limit will never be the sky...

Lost in Time

From my experience, electronic equipment crashes or becomes outdated and online companies go broke or sell your data, which makes neither of them reliable storage places. So it seems reasonable to keep memorable moments stored elsewhere. Try your memory. Once that is gone you won't care anyway and you wouldn't remember your password either...

Mind over Matter

In a perfect world, everyone would intuitively work towards the common good. The notion of “we” vs. “them” would have become obsolete because everyone would be striving for the benefit of everyone else. Like in an ant colony or a bee hive all actions would be coordinated as if motivated by a single rationale with the difference being that the tasks and abilities of each member would be highly specialized. The individual, with her or his particular skills and abilities would put their efforts toward the attainment of a single objective, say sustainability, while working under very clear directives of what the basic principles of sustainability are. There would be no theoretical nit picking, no ethical wavering, and no personal profit to be gained from deviating from the objective. In fact, the principles would be communicated and reinforced at all times through a collective mind force which would also provide the momentum for all innovation to move humanity closer to the ideal state of oneness. The question is whether our brains will evolve in time to be able to process more complex social information. To this point, it is generally able to handle the interactions between members of groups up to 150 individuals. For tens of thousands of years that was all that was needed, but increasingly with the establishment of cities and nation states our population requirements have exceeded our brain capacity. As the frontal cortex continues to struggle with the processing of its share of ever more complex emotional information (it's not all located in the limbic area), we see conflicts escalate and competition over natural resources threaten our entire civilisation. Mind over matter is taking on a new urgency.