All the talk about detachment, bounderies, letting go, lowering expectations...it’s easier said than done.
And for those of us who are not akin to yoga, meditation or vows of silence, a long weekend with the family and even with friends can be a real trial. It’s good when it works out, but it’s also good when it’s over.
The truth is we do seem to get together because we deliberately seek to renew our bond with people in our lives whom we regard as important whether these are siblings, parents, friends, significant others or our children. And without really realizing it, we go into these reunions with a clear objective in mind:
We want it to work.
And that’s where the problem begins. Because as soon as we want something, there is also the fear that we might not get it and with fear there is coping.
We may not realize it, but most of our relationships put us into a coping mode. We either try to be especially fun, helpful, reserved, pleasant, accomodating, organized or flexible to make them work. And by doing so, we become tense and we convey that tenseness, because we are acting out of fear.
Consequently, these kinds of get togethers can be quite irritating as everyone is on their ‘best behavior’ and has their radar tuned in to detect any disturbances in the air, instead of approaching the situation with an open mind.
If we could stop wanting closeness, we probably would have more of it.
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