When asked where my children go to school I say that we home school. This is a piece of information that is more sensitive than one would think. It usually provokes either a blank stare or the raised eyebrow. I have learned how to handle either quite well by now: I wait. More likely then not, by letting an awkward moment or two pass I will find out a bit more about the person asking. There is always a follow-up question. The blank-stare type is most likely either clueless or belligerent; I prefer to know which of the two before I reveal more about our educational preferences. Candidate number two, the one with the raised eyebrow, is usually either surprised, interested, or disappointed. The latter because they associate home schooling solely with a narrow-minded segregationist movement of the Christian right. In that case, I prefer to clarify: that is not where we come from although I am grateful to that movement’s stubbornness for having given us the option to educate our children according to our own personal preferences, just like everyone else.
The fact is, school is different not only for every family but also for every child in the family. And although every day that passes confirms in our minds that we made the right decision, I would not claim to be able to give much advice. I do, however, enjoy sharing ideas and personal experiences. In fact, I have had many stimulating conversations with complete strangers on education and home schooling in particular.
In any case, guarding myself a little, I say that home schooling works best for us because we travel a lot. Which is true and usually satisfies the clueless candidate without upsetting the belligerent one. However, sooner or later my interlocutor will pop the ‘socialization question,’ a favorite among those who have never bothered to look up its definition but use the term like a giant shield against those who have chosen a different approach.
In that case, I like to return the question by inquiring as to what aspect of socialization they are curious about. Clearly, socialization is an important element in the development of every living being. Social values have to be learned and social skills trained but unless one lives on planet Mars, there usually are institutions other than school that can teach a lesson or two.
But don’t get me wrong. I support the idea of public classroom education. Because ideally, school brings children of all backgrounds together and competently introduces them to the next level of social interaction, acquisition of cultural norms, and learning. But most of us are aware that often that is not the reality.
For decades now, many countries, among them leading industrial nations, have decried the various shortcomings of their education systems. Many of them are struggling to get at the root of problems such as school violence and low achievement rates. And while they busy themselves proffering one reform after the other and installing metal detectors, I prefer our solution.
I believe that especially young children fair best in a small familiar setting. In my opinion, class and school size do matter and so do teacher turn-over rates. Preferably children should be introduced gradually to the forces driving social interaction. Dealing with small and consistent peer groups is far easier for them. Especially boys would fair better that way and so would their teachers. Being thrown into a classroom of twenty or more children, where everyone is constantly trying to assert their position, is a stressful situation for everyone involved. Many of the most motivated among the often idealistic crowd of educators have thrown in the towel and contributed to high turn-over rates among teachers. That is unfortunate since having the same teacher during the first years of formal education can help bring consistency into a world of new concepts and contents.
Luckily, with home schooling we have been able to provide a nurturing and engaging environment for our children. However, I am aware that this approach doesn't work for everyone. Time, energy, education, resource availability, and skills are important factors to consider when opting to home school.
In our case there is also the wish to amalgamate different cultural traditions and values. Being European it would be strange for me to have my children grow up solely with an American perspective on life and the cultural values that constitute it. If they were socialized by an American institution on a daily eight to four basis and surrounded by a peer group that was made up mostly of American children that would be a given. Equally bewildering, I am sure, it would be for my American husband if his children had only a hearsay understanding of his native country without fully grasping any of its underlying principles.
And then there is bilingualism. As desirable as it is, most parents who have raised their children in another language than the one spoken at school know, it doesn’t always come easy. And more likely than not, children will end up preferring one language, usually the one of their peers, over the other. Home schooling makes that a lot easier.
But home schooling isn’t always easy. Like many things in life, it is a balancing act. I am also quite aware of the specters that can haunt a child raised and educated mostly by only one person. And although this doesn’t seem to bother any of our children right now, I am prepared to listen when the time comes.
Being able to be there for them while witnessing their minds and personalities assume their independent shapes is what I am most grateful for. In the end, as parents, we all try to do our best in the interest of our offspring. Sharing ideas in an open-minded forum contributes to that.
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