Fear Factor

Single-minded, men can be very effective at achieving one goal: competence.   Titles, medals, honors, public acknowledgements bear witness of that all important purpose in life.  Men battle and save lives, they rebuild economies and strengthen communities, they devote their lives to art and maritime biology, they become pros at ping pong and Fusion cuisine, they found charitable organizations and develop top notch technology and marketing strategies. 

However, the broader sphere of life can, be tricky to manage for them.  Joggling a career, relationship, children, family and friends can be straight out impossible. 

I have seen a lot of men buckle under the complexity of long-term relationships.  Eight out of ten of my female friends are currently either divorced or going through divorce.  Two of them are living in separation.   All of them have children.

Throughout the last twenty years of my married life, I have come to believe that women who want to raise a family would do best (and often do) forming strong ties with other women instead of relying – and often being let down – by a male partner.

It is simply not their forte to keep school dates, food preferences and names of friends in mind while maintaining a stable source of income, taking care of relatives and planning the next summer holidays.  

No need to gripe and moan.  Best actually to plan life with a good pre-nuptial agreement in place and look out for other women who might be willing to share in daily chores, child care and holidays.

The marital contract would ensure that the single-parent household is viable even after the partners split.  Children need to be taken care of long-term and the person having worked in the unsalaried and under acknowledged role of the guardian must be fully compensated and supported as well.   Afterall, a guy who invested all his working hours in his career and most of his non-salaried time in hobbies pulls ahead of the woman who spent every waking hour of the day in raising children.  

Clearly she made a strategic mistake by trusting a male to stand by her and pitch in with the shared responsibility of raising the next generation.  But it would be an even worse mistake for her not to have a Plan B in place.

Funny enough – that’s how most women still operate. 

Are they afraid to mention the dirty d-word when it matters most…before they enter into marriage?

It wouldn’t be the first time that fear lies at the bottom of foolishness!