Our Shadow's Grip

In dark doldrums 
Slovenly sunken
The mind lingers
Dreaming of light

In fearfulness
Screeching 
That formidable force
That swift blow strikes

Again and yet again
The nimble shadow’s grip
Tightens

So great, so humbling

The Chimp in Me

What helps at times is seeing the chimp in me:  Annabee, a 44 year old, alert female.  A loner of some sorts and best not be messed with.

Grunt

So a recent study by University of Pennsylvania’s neuroscience department found a statistically significant difference in certain aspects of operative functioning between male and female brains.  Studies like this one are neither new nor are they conclusive.  

What is interesting is that we keep looking for scientific proofs for something we seem to know already.  Women and men are different.  Feminist theory generally scoffs at this and tends to hold cultural factors accountable, although it should even surprise the most bone headed academician that every culture seems to flaunt a fair number of misogyinist attitudes on one level or another, meaning that they must be similar in some significant way.  

Indeed all cultures comprise of women and men.  The mere fact alone that women and men are stuck together in an existentialist parody seems to acount for gendered behaviour  and socio-economic structures which catapult men into positions of power and women into precarious dependencies.  

I would therefore suggest that instead of obsessing about what women or men are good at and whether the methodology was sound or the outcome is relevent, it would be much more interesting to acknowledge that whatever men do (for whatever reason) is overvalued and whatever women tend to do is underappreciated producing at times the most grotesque inequities.

But that is an uncomfortable fact, scientifically proven or not, that no one likes to delve into whether male or female.  Too close for comfort.  

Grunt.

Only Natural

There is that nagging feeling that if only we were able to get a hold of the inner ape in us, that fearful wanting beast, things would be different. 

Collective Blindspots

Every country, every nation has them, collective blindspots.  Those aspects of a given culture that just like with your best friend who holds on to his ponytail although he is going bald, are unflattering but somehow unchangeable.

Gun ownership and the obsession with private property are the top of my list when I think of the US. 

Elitism and classism are the obvious ones in the case of the UK.

In Germany, it is the fascination with efficiency that has  allowed asphalt wielding maniacs to turn landscapes into transit routes.

  

France, uh where shall I begin?  Vive la France!!

But this phenomenon of collective amnesia can be applied to all kinds of groups from families to institutions and from religions to men and women.

Similar to individuals, groups of people like to believe that they have figured it all out when, really, we all are but scattered ants on a forest floor.

No wait.  Not even that.

Cheap Food

£60 - that’s how much the average household in Britain wastes each months by letting some of their food go bad.  

Why does food go bad in times of tight-belting, one wonders?  Are our fridges too deep for us to reach the back or have we lost our appetite?  

If so then maybe for cheap food!  

I have noticed that I value the food that I buy from our organic farm cooperative much more than the prepackaged pale looking food items that come from the big retailer.  

Cheap food and lots of it creates bad habits and lots of them.  From over-fertilization and mass production to animal cruelty and malnutrition.  

Waste per capita is the least of them.

That ol' Bag!

Women’s fascination with hand bags of all sizes and colors has always puzzled me.  Even in charity shops the most sought after donation item usually are purses!  

Granted, there are now so-called man-bags as well.  But normally one of them suffices and the more purpose-built it is the better.  On the contrary, the amount of oohing and aahing going on about a well-placed buckle or a flashy zipper can be bewildering.  

In all fairness, I do have to admit to possessing three hand bags myself, but they fulfill a purpose in my life other than fashion statement or adornment, they carry my stuff!!  

Since their invention a few thousand years ago, small bags have been very useful items for transporting all sorts of things from prayer books and opera glasses to goat’s milk and drawing books.  But somewhere in their evolution from utilitarian objects to fetish, they were rebranded as feminine accessory.  

Needless to say, no one wants to be seen with an old one - or be called that!!   

Go Fish

After the "F" word was successfully reclaimed by feminist authors Catherine Redfern and Kristin Aune some years ago, it was tragically highjacked again by Fracking&Co.  

What is it with the /f/ that makes it so appealing?  I recently finished my first full length manuscript on gender and fear and I entitled it FARCE.  Maybe I am headed the right direction.  Fffffantastic!

Back to the Drawing Board

Empathy, the cognitive skill that enables us to decode emotional cues and respond to them, is an ability traditionally associated with human kind.  Without it, we would fall not only behind primates, but also behind a large number of other mammals who display at least a basic levels of it, says primatologist Frans de Waal.  

And yet, the extend of atrocities committed by man against his own kind are unparalleled in the animal world. 

But well meaning researchers report on observations and experiments involving primates and argue that since they reliably display discernible levels of empathy, chances are that humans - despite the state of human affairs - function along the same vein.

Unless they reliably don't.  And now, why would that be, Frans?

British Schools - more BS

Here is another downer:  The British education system.  Nine out of ten Brits will readily attest to that. 

Not only is it horrendously skewed since anybody big in politics and finance usually comes from a handful of private schools - mostly boys only - it also has a regional, or should I say linguistic, bias. 

Getting yourself into one of the red brick institutions of higher education will be just that bit harder, if there is a trace of Cockney or, worse even, an Irish drawl discernible.

Once, after an audition for a leading part in The Mighty Mikado, which her choirmaster had recommended her for, but which she in the end failed to get, it was commented that my unfortunate daughter was lacking a “posh English accent.” 

That bit of blasé alacrity coming from a choir director of a children’s choir located in the Greater London diaspora was quite telling of the daily frustrations with the British class system. 

No it is not easy being British!  While this is a lovely country - indeed the best I have ever lived in - it is much more fun doing it while assuming the role of the eccentric outsider.

The British Bullshitting Corporation

BBC Radio 4 has an hourly program every morning called “Woman’s Hour” - during the hour in the day (from 10am to 11 am) when women can leisurely tune in to listen to a show that invites studio guests (mostly women) to talk about everything .  

But, of course, they don’t.  

Mostly the talk is about the arts, being famous, cookery and other pleasantries including the inevitable radio play sequel.  To be fair, topics including violence against women, arranged marriage, the double day and occasionally even the pay-gap do come up every once in a while, but they are never put in a broader context.  

The question why women world wide continue to be victims of sexual violence, why being a women still carries the risk of poverty, violence and the lack of access to resources and self-determination or, differently put, the blatant fact that sexual discrimination continues to be systemic across countries, religions, cultures and families is never raised.  

Too hot for the BBC?  Undoubtedly.  After all, we now know that even in public broadcasting a few guys determine what is aired.

I always had a feeling that “public” was a euphemism.

Culpa Nostra !

Strangely, women still tend to believe that if only they were to make the right choices in life, things would be different.  If only they were to study technical subjects they would score higher paying jobs - ignoring the fact that all those women who twenty years before them opted for male dominated degrees and for instance got business degrees still haven’t reached pay levels equal to their male colleagues and are regularly overlooked for promotions.  

Another favorite of mine are those voices who insist that if only women were to be more assertive on the job they would get what they want.  If only they were to help each other more instead of being such awful bitches... 

Just be more like a guy, will you please!!  Just don't be such a man-woman!  

Yes, indeed, it is all their fault.  Why do they have so many children or else why don’t they have enough?  Why don’t they pursue professional careers or else why are they so career- driven to leave their families behind?  Why don’t they monitor their children better?  Hey, but how can they expect to be promoted if they work only half-time?

The funny thing is:  Women only too often buy it...!

Here is the little Birdie

We traditionally expect women to be more flexible, more agreeable, more cooperative than men.  With regard to adaptability and coping we consistently place the benchmark higher for one gender than the other.  Is that because men are the ones who set the parameters, or is it that we know that women will naturally try to fit in anyway.

It starts in childhood, when girls are expected to be more compliant than boys (and usually are) and wreck fewer things (they usually do).  As they grow up, we expect them to  align themselves with male interests rather than the other way around from sports to sex and what to watch at night (sports and sex).

Most likely later on in life, a woman will choose a supportive role in relationships and the family.  Whether she tidies up more, does the laundry and takes the dog to the vet.  She will probably be the one who will remember birthdays, favourite dishes and help out at the school bazaar.  

Even if women get to pick the house and sofa cushions, or possibly where the kids go to school, they usually defer to their partners when accounts are set up, pension funds are established and wealth is divided.  

When it’s time for the kids to move out (or when hubby decides to go on another prowl), women are expected to fill all  the gaps and to move back into the work force.  Preferably a supportive role, of course.  

And they usually do.  With a smile.   

Bad Apple

There is really no good reason why I just got another Apple computer and an iPhone 5.  I thought, of course, that by doing so I would solve all my software and compatibility problems - stupidly ignoring the fact that ninety percent of my problems are caused by Apple products.

We have had Macs for ten years now.  All have failed me in one way or another.  iTunes turned out to be awfully clumsy to use, iPhoto completely crashed on my labtop (no Apple wizard was able to fix it even when I sent it in), my USB ports all gave out (so I am working with external ones) and I am unable to copy files onto CD because my disc drive no longer works.  Is that normal?  

Shrugs.  Bad apples are everywhere.

For the time being, I have had my fill of marketing promises and the Apple Help Forum.  After three hours of password  entering, downloading, updating and problem solving, my frustration tolerance has reached its limit.  

Time is precious.  Apple is not.

No Easy Time

It seems that the longer a society experiences peace and stability, the more likely its social cohesion is to weaken.  

In the immediate wake of war, a degree of social leveling can be observed, where the haves and have-nots are brought together by the shared misfortunes of violence and destruction.  A society pulls together by forming solidarity pacts on local and even national levels that transcend differences.  

Carefully crafted identities tied to income, heritage, education and religion are overcome for the common good.  The trauma of suffering is shared by all and acts of compassion by those who are more fortunate than others provide a bridge between the camps.

But this empathic phase usually diminishes within a generation.  As peaceful times provide the basic needs of shelter, food and clothing and welfare systems see to the provision of secondary goods such as healthcare, education, and safety, cohesion erodes.  Social strife supercedes social collaboration.

These dynamics can be traced throughout human history.  The peaceful Beaker Culture was replaced by warmongering societies whose chiefs bolstered their prestige by amassing precious metal works.  

Great civilizations were not immune to it and in fact generally thrived on the exploitation of many by few - that is unless they failed to provide the basic necessities, which then would lead to civil uprisings, revolutions and coup d’Etats.  Examples of this abound and often mark the cornerstone of a new era, such as the beginning of the Roman  Republic, the drafting of the Magna Carta, and the passing of the Code Napoleon.  But none will withstand our competitive nature - the call of the wild.

After the extensive rebuilding of civil society in the aftermath of two horrific wars, many European countries experienced a phase of social stability and shared prosperity which culminated in the nineteen eighties and early nineteen nineties.  However, a gradual erosion has set in since as we witness income gaps increase and wealth distribution curves move away from the median.  

Primatologist Frans de Waal likes to evoke the image of the empathic ape in making an argument for our human potential to build empathic societies.  However, I tend to keep to a  an old adage when dealing with humans:  trust is good, watchfulness is better.  

Moods of September

No lightness lingers 

No faintness she betrays

Gone is all hesitation

of the early days

Her touch lays heavy

Her breath is full

In her displays of passion

is every lover’s pull

Her mood is sullen

She rises late

And past the zenith of her life

no haste does she display

When in her warm embrace

I come along

at her somber pace

A soothing song

And then we part as seasons change

and nights prolong

Offense

Al-Shabaab is offended!  

After all, how could the media possibly allege that there was a woman among the mujahideen militants who attacked the Westgate shopping center in Nairobi and killed sixty-two people including children??

A spokesman for the Somalia-based terrorist group spluttered with rage: ”It’s a groundless lie that a female was among the mujahideen attackers. It is all about propaganda disseminated by western media outlets." 

Tissue? 

It just so happens to be that there is reason to believe that there was a low-ranking female primate amongst your chest beating lot.

Sorry...?!

Life in the Jungle

At the beginning of class this fall, when asked where they would like to go on holiday next year, 
a kid in L’s class called out “SYRIA!!” 

 Ah, yes, the jungle!! Not a bad idea.  And why not check out a few of the other places where silver backs roam free?    

Standing Firm

After my level of cynicism threatened to reach a new peak, I am relieved to report that the High Court in London ordered that the eviction notice had to be withdrawn and the protector camp can remain in place until further notice.

As a celebratory gesture, trays of orange juice were delivered to the site together with other goodies and the mood swung to light on this sunny late September day.

How much does it take, though? How many to stand up against a few?

No Way Bobby!

In the kerfuffle that ensued at the site, the coppers clamped down and arrested our barde, Simon Welsh.  As he was bellowing the Fracking Anthem (by the same Simon Welsh), they came down on him - he didn’t have a fighting chance.  Poor guy, but where he left off an ad hoc mom’s choir took over.  

This clearly is not a one-man show.    

Holding the Fort

I am off to Balcombe again first thing in the morning. Despite the positive national and international press coverage and media attention it has received over the past seven weeks, the protest camp is suddenly under threat of eviction. Time and date: September 10th, 9am. 

So off I go, Jules with me - another day in the life of a home educating family.

The Summer of Simmer

It's been a great summer.  Not the kind I was expecting.  At least not just.  There were waves and sandy toes and camp fires, but the one most fulfilling thing that emerged in the past two months was something far more rippling.  

As the heat continued to roast this land and simmered it in its own sod, there was a gradual coming together of the different sized bits and pieces, like in the making of one steamy hot succulent stew.   

From amidst all the horror of drilling wells and cover ups, out of deep frustration and disenchantment grew, like a spring out of the rock, a fresh feeling of commitment and determination. 

In these past weeks, communities across the UK have moved closer together and what began as a three-mom show outside a small village in the South has grown into a full blown protest movement.  

Frack Off indeed !   

'Tis Summer...

...and the livin' is easy....

Humble Brains

As the most social of all species - equipped with highly sensitive social antennea, complex ommunication skills and team work ability, it is surprising that we spend so much time on screwing eachother over.  As if individual greed ever persevered against the common good.  Check out history - it works for a generation or two, maybe.  But then it's back to the drawing board.  Seems to me rocket science is not what we need.  Common sense is.

Back to the USA - Land of the Unfree

"No access to the lakefront,"  "No tresspassing"  "Private property,"  "Tresspassers will be prosecuted," "Private beach," " Private Road - no walking or biking," "Keep Out." 

Wow, I had forgotten how stuck I feel whenever I get back to the US. 

Granted - in Britain half a percent of landed aristocracy own 60% of the land - but everywhere there are public footpaths and bridleways, so walking, biking, horseback riding or having a picnic in a field, on a cliff, by the shore, next to a stream is never a problem. 

I regard free movement as part of my quality of life - to hell with a hundred feet of private beach front.  What's the point of THAT??   

Fracking Crazy!

The drilling rig is to arrive at a site in East Sussex today with drilling to commence on Saturday.

Follow this live Facebook Note for updates: https://www.facebook.com/notes/frack-free-sussex/cuadrilla

What are they up to?  Drilling in the London Banker belt, destroying fox hunting grounds, horse paddocks and sweeping views from hill top mansions is not the obvious course of action when a country is faced with pensioners’ plight in the face of rising energy costs.

So what is on their mind?

Fracked !

                                       

Fracking - the process of drilling deeper and deeper into the Earth and using more and more invasive methods of extracting methane gas from shale rock is symptomatic of the MALE approach to coping with fear: 

Impose yourself - control by all means - focus on ensuring survival of the species at all costs. 

 Frack!

Chimp

We all are trying to move along in a semi-coordinated three-beat, trying to avoid the obvious stumbles while keeping our elbows pointing outwards and our smiles frozen for best appearance. I have come to see myself as nothing more than a prototype of a human primate. I fulfill my role as a mother, friend and mate. I deploy a gamut of strategies to secure group acceptance and I avoid conflicts by backing down whenever the risk of losing are too high, which is usually when there is an aggressive male around. My handicap is that I am acutely aware of the plan Bs, the compromises and the second best options I am constantly willing to accept. My staggeringly keen awareness of the dirty underbelly of this human existence render contentment almost impossible. My coping skills are humor and playful frankness, but usually all I have to offer is honest despair. My moments of happiness are with the kids, which again, is a predictable outcome as a female human who had to accept her lot.

Fifteen Minutes

Jules: Mom, why is your watch fifteen minutes early? 

Me: If it were running on time, I would always be fifteen minutes late. 

Jules starts giggling. Me: Does that make any sense? 


Jules: No!

Hand me those Shoes!!

After years of married life with children, I have, despite my most fervent determination to the contrary, morphed into a doormat. I am seeing everyone off in the mornings and welcome them back at night. I patiently attend to the grubby side of family life - the underbelly of a well-tuned family saga of clean sheets, matched socks, starched shirts, and folded laundry (most of the time anyway). I am on the scene before anyone else and I rest only once all is as it was before the little steps and clunky big ones have all passed through my gateway. Unnoticed in the corner I sit and reflect on the tenacious nature of gender based inequality and its manifestation in an age that has brought forward the atomic bomb, climate change, hydraulic fracturing, mass shootings and record number genocides, as well as ubiquitous digital images of sexual domination and an unsustainable population growth. Oh well, but luckily when the mood tanks, there is always another pair of shoes to dote on...

Urgent Fixing Required !

Single-minded, colluding, and ruthless. That is how I have come to see those who are our leaders in government, finance, industry, the media and business and all of their cronies. 

Efficient in obtaining deals, circumventing rules, eschewing morality and going for short-term interest maximization, usually access to money, which then buys them everything else from control to sex. 

It's not rocket science, it's just too sick to watch at times.  And yet, it is our responsibility to bring the raging alpha males to a halt, to break up their rings and right what has - once again -  gone so terribly wrong.

How much time do we have left, I wonder? 

To the Right and Honourable

The Right and Honourable David Cameron 

MP Prime Minister of the United Kingdom 

10 Downing Street,
London SW1A 2AA.

Tuesday, 27th June 2013

Dear Mr Cameron,

We are deeply concerned about this government’s approval of shale gas exploration in vast areas of the UK, including Sussex.  

Hydraulic fracturing, the technology used the process of extracting trapped methane gas from deep subterranean rock, has a well known history of potentially far reaching negative effects on surrounding areas, including toxic ground water contamination, radioactive contamination from radioactive isotopes released from shale rock during the process, as well as causing seismic shocks such as witnessed in Lancashire.

In addition the process would destroy the character and appearance of our communities and spoil Areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty (ANOB) by pockmarking it with shale gas wells, condensate tanks, waste fluid pits, pipelines, compressor stations and frequent heavy road tanker traffic.

As residents who are raising families in this area, we are concerned about the short sighted approach of your government.  Hydraulic fracturing for methane is not only an irresponsible attempt to address our energy needs, but it is also uneconomical as this capital intensive approach draws resources from the development of renewable safe energy.  

Fracking for shale gas and coal bed methane is not an intelligent response to Britain's energy needs. It would provide gas for the next fifteen to twenty years, after which Britain would be in exactly the same energy predicament it is in now, except that our landscape would be destroyed, water courses irreparably contaminated and we would have poured countless tons of methane and CO2 into the atmosphere.

By hand of

Residents of Sussex

In Good Time

I am in a place where I am best
With myself
I have heard laughter’s sweet chimes
Ebb in good time
‘Tis a solace that life’s claws are soft

Frack Off !

At some point investment banking became so complicated that the very clever guys at the top were having a hard time remembering the rules themselves.

Instead they invented new ones and applied them rather selectively as they went around on an ever faster spinning carrousel of profit margins, lending practices and back office deals.

The rest is history.

All of us groaned and some camped, but eventually most of us picked up and moved on in order to give our national GDPs a good push, because surely that’s what’s needed - a sturdy growth index! With more of us working at lower rates and many of us working basically for free, this should not be too difficult, right?

But then, those very clever guys are also working away hard - at the next back office deal! With governments desperate for capital and jobs, they see their chance to secure permits, licenses, and subsidies.

Riverstone, a private equity firm that invests in oil and gas exploration, determined that now is the time to invest in hydraulic fracturing (fracking), the new gold rush in gas exploration. Their money is causing a great deal of damage in the UK where Cuadrilla Resources, the drilling company sponsored by Riverstone, is pumping chemicals into the ground to release trapped gases, causing seismic shockwaves and burning faucets.

They have moved into Sussex now and the locals joined them for a tea party next to the drilling hole. Our turn this time:

Frack off and go home, guys!

You go buddy!

“I have a great life and I want to enjoy it!” Jules

Don't Breathe!!

Over the past decade since my first pregnancy, recommendations to expecting mothers have turned into a virtual torrent of “Things to avoid.”

From the well-known no-nos of nicotine and alcohol it soon came to include undercooked meat, dishes containing raw eggs and raw milk products and before too long was extended to caffein and fish containing heavy metals, which is pretty much all fish.

With most of the culinary fun thus moved onto the blacklist, pregnancy became a time of austerity, of broccoli sprouts and mint tea...no wait, does mint tea induce premature birth?

But all of this is nothing compared to the recently published list of potentially (although not proven) harmful items to avoid when expecting.  From canned food, to fresh fruit wrapped in plastic (uh...) and from new cars to cosmetics the list liberally extends to all of life.

Truly, how can pregnant women be so careless to breathe if their home is next to a busy road?

Oneness

In a perfect world, everyone would intuitively work towards the common good. The notion of “we” vs. “them” would have become obsolete because everyone would be striving for the benefit of everyone else. Like in an ant colony or a bee hive all activity would be coordinated as if motivated by a single rationale with the difference being that the tasks and abilities of each member would be highly specialized. The individual, with her or his particular skills and abilities would put their efforts toward the attainment of a given objective, say sustainability, while keeping in mind the wider context, the needs of members of the community. At no time, would there be theoretical nit picking just for the sake of it. Ethical considerations would be resolved easily since the objective would never be personal profit but always the greatest good. A determination similar to a collective mind force would provide the momentum for creativity and community would come to stand for each individual’s aptitude to share her or his potentials to move humanity closer to the ideal state of oneness.

The question is, which one.

Utopia Calling

Let us build a world where fearful men no longer make the rules and define the objectives, a world where the aggressive male has been reintegrated into a community of diverse and empathetic individuals in pursuit of their full potential.

Just Now

The children are sitting on the swing off the tall tree in the back of the garden. Their voices caress the wind and the sun light is dancing on their faces. The apple tree outside my window is clad in plump blossoms and for a moment I am inclined to forget all that needs mending. For a moment, it is just this, the moment itself. Just this one, just now.

Ever noticed....?

We are constantly making progress and yet we are inching in on the end.

Bananas

There is a new generation of “printers” on the market that can produce 3D copies of any given blueprint. The biggest demand is for semi-automatic weapons. Well done, guys. Really impressive. Come get your bananas!

Tasty Lemonade

I have become very skilled at making lemonade from lemons over these past months. J.’s teacher was let go rather suddenly after class dynamics spun out of control and we found ourselves with a succession of substitutes - all well meaning but uncommitted - and so we went back to home ed. What a lucky break! J. and I are having a ball. Our latest coup was to fly to Fuerteventura in the Canary Islands to learn how to swim (the season tends to be a bit short here) and to take a closer look at volcanic rock. I really enjoy being back in the game for a while. It is also really handy to know how to read, J. agreed.

Oooh-ah-ah !

It’s a strange thing that we are unwilling to accept or even admit how much of our system is running on primate hardware. Instead of acknowledging the power of our basic operating system, which sends us off on an often cruel fight for survival whether on the battle field or the office floor, we claim divine origins.

How unenlightened is that?

Unwilling to admit our humble motivations, we hide our primitive roots only to have them undermine our deepest aspiration: to be special. But we are not. Men continue to sniff each other out to determine status, they rival over resources and territory, sex with many continues to be preferable than monogamy, and aggression, in some form or another, still establishes superiority.

All the while, the female watches on and wonders who the winner might be. Really, quite basic despite moon landings, microchips and Monet.

The Growth Malady

Let’s face it, growth spurred by aggressive marketing and consumerism has more negative externalities, namely waste and excessive pollution, than long-term benefits. And whether the boost to the GDP is really going to promote positive growth in secondary areas to counteract the negative output it creates remains to be seen. As long as politics, business, finance and industry remain closely entangled, there is very little hope that overall growth will sustainably improve our quality of life, much less so that it will do so evenly and fairly. On some level, we already know it - but for better or for worth, we don’t want to do anything about it. Not yet. I guess we still haven’t reached Act V...